The Fear of Difficult Conversations

Face your fears

Imagine you're at work and noticed that a colleague has been consistently underperforming, which has begun to affect the team's productivity. You know you need to address the issue, but the thought of having that conversation fills you with dread.

You keep putting it off, hoping the problem will resolve itself, but deep down, you know it won't. This scenario is just one of many examples of how avoiding difficult conversations can lead to increased stress and unresolved issues in our personal and professional lives.

I battled with this problem for years, and for several reasons:

1. I hated to be the 'bad guy'.

2. I genuinely wanted the people around me to improve and be better. So I gave them a ‘million’ chances.

3. I often had problems clearly articulating my thoughts.

I know I'm not the only one who faces this. Why are we so afraid to have hard conversations?

My conversation with Caroline van der Merwe on The Grinders Table Podcast struck a chord when she said and I paraphrase “Avoiding tough conversations can lead to more pain and uncertainty”. Because it certainly did, every time I kicked the issue down the road, hoping to avoid or address the problem later.

The fear of difficult conversations is common, but it can be overcome. Here are some that helped me to tackle this:

• Prepare ahead of time: Write down the key points you want to discuss and practice the conversation beforehand. Practice makes perfect right? yes!

• Focus on the issue, not the person: Frame the conversation around the specific problem or behaviour you want to address rather than attacking the individual. You don’t want the other party to be on the defensive.

• Practice active listening: Give the other person a chance to express their perspective and listen without interrupting. This projects that you also want to understand their point of view.

• Find a solution together: Collaborate with the other person to find a mutually beneficial solution. Brainstorm ideas and be open to compromise. Your way isn’t always the ‘best’ way.

• Follow up: After the conversation, check in with the person to see how they're doing and offer support if needed. This helps to maintain a positive relationship and ensures that the agreed-upon solution is being implemented.

Remember, having difficult conversations is a skill that can be developed with practice. As with building muscle in the gym, practice practice practice. By facing these challenges head-on, we can build stronger, more authentic relationships.

So here’s a task for you today: Identify one difficult conversation you've been avoiding and commit to having it within the next week.

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Don’t forget to listen to the latest episode of The Grinders Table Podcast, featuring Co-founder and Chief Product Officer of Jem HR. She shares her journey with us, the importance of values, having tough conversations, hiring tips and lots more. Click here to listen to the conversation - Apple, Spotify, Web

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