shhhh..... just listen
An underrated skill that will make you successful
Most people struggle to listen, yes! Listening seems like an easy skill but one of the most difficult to practice especially when you believe you have something to say.
As humans, we all want to be heard and seen, and one easy way to do this is to speak up at every opportunity we get.
Communication happens when the intended message = the perceived message.
The only way you can gauge and determine if the perceived message is correct and communication has taken place is to listen. Listening and continually tweaking the intended message so as to get the desired goal - a message or an action.
Listening effectively is an active process - something that we have to do consciously and something that takes practice.
I believe it is an excellent business and career strategy to listen and to have great listening skills. When you really listen to someone, he or she often feels quite good about you. And when it is your turn to speak, he or she is more likely to listen to what you have to say.
However, I see many people fall into these traps:
Selective Listening – only listening to the parts of the dialogue they deem important
Formulating a Response – having something to say and interrupting the speaker with your own thoughts, finishing other people’s sentences.
Making Assumptions – assuming you know what the other party has to say based on bias, stereotyping and previous experiences.
Unfortunately, poor listening is extremely commonplace even among people that you assume should know better. In the words of Kanini Mutooni -
listening has been the best skill ever, and I would advise anyone who does not have this muscle (because it's a muscle) to practice to really build it.
On this week’s episode of The Grinders Table Podcast, Kanini Mutooni, who has held leadership and board level positions in East Africa, Europe and the US, shared with us her 'behind the scene' story as well as lessons she learned along the way.
Please listen and share with someone here - Apple, Google, Anchor
Obviously, you cannot go to the gym to build your listening skills. You can do this in a less dramatic way and make it your super power:
Decide to listen: Good listening starts with your conscious decision to do so. You have to make a decision to listen twice as much as you speak.
Listen with an open mind: It is so easy to enter a conversation with preconceived notions about the other person or their topic of discussion. And once this happens, it is almost impossible to truly “hear” what the other person is saying. Your preconceptions act as a filter, and you hear only what supports your preconceptions. This is simply confirmation bias, something I’ll address in another email.
Count to three before responding: This will stop you from not only interrupting but it gives the other party the space to finish what they started. It will also help you focus on what is being said rather than what you are going to say.
Keep your eyes on the speaker: I’m not saying you should stare but you have to learn to follow the conversation with your eyes. Anybody worth listening to is worth looking at.
Focus on the other party: Put aside everything else that is not related to the listening process. Don’t try to write a memo or answer an email at the same time you’re listening to your colleague on the phone. Stop tapping your fingers or jiggling your foot. All those things suggest you have more important things to do than listen to the other person.
Being able to listen sincerely is not only an effective communication tool, but it can enhance your business and career success. Leaders listen. People respect and trust good listeners. Listening can give you new and powerful information and perspective.
So, the next time you even consider interrupting someone, don’t. Count to three and listen closely instead.